Does a joint' ensure you remain joint?

There are so many accounts we have open at any one time, and it makes me wonder, is it better to have joint accounts with your spouse, or better to treat it like the principles of church and state. I mean, we are from Venus and they're from Mars.

So, do joint accounts save marriages?

It's been said, Facebook is currently cited in 50% of divorce cases. It's no wonder, when you think about how many people one can come into contact with on a daily basis (i.e. all of the old flames you never thought you'd see again.) Mix that with a vulnerable person bogged down by the monotony of their household, yearning for a little attention & you've got a danger zone!!

We'd all love to think we can play around with temptation & remain in control. However, everybody knows the old saying, you play with fire, you're going to get burnt. . .

So is setting up a joint account the solution? When your husband wants to spout off a status update about the football game, or you want to brag about the yummy dessert you whipped up, your friends & family can just take guesses as to who is doing this posting? Private messages are essentially between you, recipient and spouse. Who knows, it may come off as overprotective, overbearing, or even elude to a jealous nature. . . but who are we to judge? In the end, I have no problem being overprotective with my family and anything that tries to come between us. Also, we live in the most transparent age to date, and opportunity is all to opportune!

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I wonder how this relates to other accounts as well, such as our checking accounts. Many couples have their paychecks disbursed into a joint account, which they "jointly" use to pay bills and for daily expenses. While others find it reasonable to keep those accounts separate, simply agree whose paying what bills, and shuffle money together when necessary. Does one feel their spouse's earnings are inaccessible? Does a stay-at-home mom feel inferior when she has to ask for grocery money? If a husband is coming home with a new i-phone & his wife is counting pennies till the end of the month, somethings gotta give. Right? However, what if he saved up for that i-phone, while she bought Starbucks & cigarettes each day . . . . maybe this is a fair method.

Even though I'm still a nuptial newbie, I feel like eliminating potential questions up front can save countless amounts of stress, resentment and emotional roLLer-coASTers. When you know up front that your wife spent $300 at Target and that female friend from high school thought twice before "poking" you, you cut down on a lot of questions. You're not left wondering if your partner has your best interest at heart, or if you're on the same page. 

This came to mind because my husband and I have separate FB accounts. I don't foresee any issues, but I thought, hmm, maybe it would be cute and more socially acceptable if we had a joint account. As is, we know each other's passwords and neither feels threatened by any aspect of it. There again, we keep separate checking accounts, but we have online access to each others' and the authority to withdraw, transfer, deposit as we see fit. He can send more deposits my way anytime!

I know everybody has to find a way that works for them, but I wonder how many desire to live jointly, but for risk of being thought jealous or controlling, suffice with living their two separate lives side by side.

To each his own, but peace-of-mind is priceless.

Clarity.

Now that I'm a young, vibrant, flourishing 30-something ( let's see if I can come up with more adjectives to make the 30's sound cool!) ..... a real go-getter, probably not a jet-setter... but that girl, that normal, every-day kinda girl, trying to live a purposeful life, making educated choices, minding my tongue, seeking wisdom and thriving on those little things in life that bring me joy . . . I have also acquired an appreciation for so many things which I used to take for granted. The one on my mind today.......

VOTING.

It's that little thing all Americans feel entitled to as soon as they're 18. Some anticipate casting their first ballot incessantly, while others glide into their middle ages never even bothering to register. As for me, I registered when I turned 18, and although I mostly turn a blind eye to local politics, I always vote for the presidency.

I know my measly little vote out of all the millions will have little impact.... however, if everyone decided their 1 little vote didn't matter, then the masses would cease to vote, and each little vote would have a much larger impact....... which in the end, it turns out, is quite scary.

So, I do my part, and cast my ballot. Even though I try to diligently follow the campaigns, I generally cast my vote, go on about my day and then relish in the fact that I won't have to watch any more political commercials. Great. It's over, end of story... at least for 4 more years.

...... but something was different this year. Since it's my first year in the Chi, and I already leave the house for work at 6:45am, I opted to do an absentee ballot. I didn't foresee a joyful morning at the polls with the rest of Chicago.

So, I received my ballot in the mail a few weeks past, calculated my decisions and put the pen to the paper. It wasn't so much choosing my candidate on the ballot, but delivering that ballot to the post box was the powerful moment.

I did so on my lunch break, so it's a short walk down the block, upon which time, without any forethought whatsoever.... I began to think of the power I wielded in that very moment. Not in an egotistical sorta way, but in a way that validated all of the work women did to fight for our rights during the last century. I began reminiscing stories I'd learned in history class of activists taking a stand, demanding women be considered equal and given the opportunity to vote. . . I began to clench my ballot tighter & thought of the women in this world who still don't have that luxury. Women in the Middle East are fighting for the right to drive, let alone vote! Others, over the past few years have been showcased in news clips with pride across their face as the struggle and strife they endured to garner the right to vote has finally been granted. .......... My mind was racing, my heart starting to pound and emotion coming over me, as I realized how very Blessed I am that I live in a country, where it's not even a question. It's such a simple right that we do take it for granted and we do feel entitled....... As I was swarming with feelings of pride, anger, joy, frustration, responsibility and duty I looked up to discover I was approaching the flag pole that stands about 20 feet prior to the post box ...... my eyes slowly followed the pole higher and higher.....& higher.. .. only to find .... it was empty.

Nevertheless, in my mind, the bountiful flag's red, white and blue was billowing in the wind and flapping proudly at the justices and opportunities that it stands for. I dropped my ballot in the post box, a ballot that would have merely equated to a large envelope any other day, but today it was a ticket. A ticket to freedom, to all those things we should be thankful for and to the hope that the same justices are spread throughout the world.

In that moment of clarity, I found a new appreciation for my rights and my claim as a U.S. citizen. Whatever your political beliefs, if you've been granted the privilege, get off your bum & go vote on November 6th!

Journey

Divine Intervention.

 

How is it that two people,

from two totally different worlds

end up........ together.

(Literally, 22, 052 miles apart according to google maps. Although, I wouldn't have taken the much longer route through China & Russia myself, but apparently google doesn't fly the Atlantic) 

I shall never know.

Nor do I care.

All I am sure of is that God could not have cultivated a more perfect human being for me. 

Someone who challenges me at every curve,

Forces me to dig deep when I'm getting weary,

Greets me with a beaming smile every morning,

Cherishes me,

Supports me in all that I do,

Can Cook & does so,

Is full of faith and inspiration,

Loves to love me,

and speaks to my heart in a way that not even I can comprehend.

This weekend marked our 1 year wedding anniversary! The year flew by, and I pray it is God's will that we have many happy years ahead of us. Although, I won't be disappointed if they slow down a little.

So now, we celebrate ....... In the words of my baby, 1 down, infinity to go!

Off to New Orleans, be back soon. . .

A bachelor's degree in . . . nonsense.

So, maybe that's a little blunt and sure, judgmental. However, it seems our bright, young adults in this country are following their possibly, slightly immature hearts a little too much, when they're opting to finance their education, only to attain a degree in Exploring, Archaeology or dare I say it.... Art.

Don't get me wrong, I'd hate to see the arts and creative minds stifled, and everyone forced to work in cubicles. However, the reality is, where will you find a job? Art majors have one of the highest unemployment rates in the country.

The opportunity to access higher education in this country is one of our greatest legacy's. However, any number of studies can validate that tuition rates have practically doubled just in the last 10 years. (Sure, it's tied to politics, state & federal budget cuts & a number of other influences). . . but even if costs weren't soo inflated, the goal of education is and always has been to open the doors of opportunity for job security.......... right??

All of these generic, liberal arts degrees can get someone's foot in the door, if having a post-secondary education is one of the main job requirements.... but essentially, have you learned a trade? Do you have a skill that gives you the upper hand over the next guy? Not really .........

What is the solution? Well, definitely a more profound focus on career planning in high school, with a continuation overflowing into freshmen, college orientation courses. Pshht, I had no idea as to the purpose of my high school counselor! I told him what courses I wanted to take each semester, and he input them in the computer. I thought that was the extent of his job. Little did I know, students at other schools were receiving real-world advice and guidance on college preparation and career choices. Perhaps, I should have reached out to him, but I didn't even know those things fell under his job duties or knowledge-base. Being the first in my immediate family to go to college, how crucial that information could have been. Instead, I stumbled along, making plenty of unnecessary mistakes due to this omitted information.

Also, when it comes to college planning, families need to take a step back & consider the benefits of attending a community college first. Has anyone been looked over for a job, because they began their degree at community college?? ............. I don't know, but I'd imagine it's very rare! Nobody has ever questioned it on my resume. People are really looking at the college you graduate from, if that's even relevant in your chosen profession. Why not start out taking 60 credit hours of gen. ed. requirements and spending the equivalent of $5,000. Then, transfer those on to your chosen university, and you've avoided two years of extensive student loan debt, while maximizing your educational opportunity. At least at that rate, if you do major in Arts, you're only indebted by two years of the four year degree!

Higher education is such a complex matter, but it is definitely a decision worth mulling over and doing some strategic planning. A 16-18 year-old with little real-world experience may not make the wisest overall decision, so parents need to step up and provide some guidance. Just because a parent didn't go to college, doesn't make them a hypocrite for doing their research and trying to guide their children to make wise college choices.

In the end, it could be the difference between them figuring out how to repay $60,000 in student loans, while working at Subway during the day & playing their guitar in the subway by night! .......... OR making a comfortable living, not strapped by debt, but able to start a family, purchase a home and truly live the American Dream by the time they're out of their 20's.

Nobody wants to be a starving artist. . .

Bling! Bling! ........... Blah.

Now, please don't take this blog as some self-righteous, goody-two-shoes (how the heck do you spell that?) type of thing, but I'm getting quite frustrated with a new trend & wondering......... is it just me?

I would truly  like to know if I'm the only person who is stunned, saddened and confused by the desire for a bigger & better diamond! Don't get me wrong. I live in America too, & know that our individualistic ways of living the American Dream, are often translated as- having the biggest and best of everything mentality, too focused on keeping up with the Joneses'.

BUT.......

when your husband handpicked a wedding band for you, back at the start of this journey, didn't he pour his heart & soul & tiny little pocketbook into that ring? Sure, most marriages start off when we're young, so there's not exactly a nestegg to purchase this bling, but does that really matter?

It seems like all I hear about lately is the request for a wedding ring UPGRADE.

Umm, really? ...... Rather than keep the ring that truly holds the sentimental value & was given to you with love, anticipation, anxiety and --- heart......... you want something that portrays you have more money?! ............ maybe because you do have more money now. If so, fantastic!...... Or, maybe because you don't want to be the friend with the itty bitty little yellow diamond on their ring finger. I don't know.

I mean, I get it .... sort of............ but I would never want a replacement. Granted, my husband did a great job the first go-round, so maybe that's why I have this high & mighty tone about the whole issue. Nevertheless, I'm frequently surrounded by these women with their big rocks, & I just hope the love and value of their marriage isn't inversely correlated (you know, one goes up, the other goes down) to the size of that BLING.

I mean, we all know what they say about men who try to buy the fastest cars, have the loudest mouths & show off the most. . . . they're compensating for something else.

Even my sweet, caring husband brought it up recently, maybe we'll look at getting you a bigger (& supposedly) better ring sometime. ...... WHAT?! Even he is affected by this superficial mania that is surrounding us!!

I protested immediately! I do not want, nor will I ever wear another ring on this finger. Sure, he can buy a lovely ring for any of my other 9 fingers at any time ;)...... but this is the ring that he placed on my finger, that cool night in January, when he was down on one knee pouring his heart out to me......... This is the band he placed on my finger as we stood before God, our family, our friends & vowed to love each other unconditionally for as long as we both shall live.

I refuse to get caught up in this nonsense. A beautiful ring doesn't equate to a beautiful life...

I'm baaaaaaa-ack . . .

Well, maybe not a fixture, but popping in for a quick bit!

Since abandoning my blog last February, I now have 12 credit hours under my belt & working on acquiring another 9 this semester. Found my back-to-school rhythm & life is good :)

I'm LOVING school......... I mean, seriously LOVING it! I was always a good, focused student, but this is the first time in my life I'm studying something & can wait to soak up what's on the next page of my book!!

I have found my passion.


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Since I've returned to school, I figured why not take it to the next level........ & I recently acquired braces! So, if I'm ever MIA, I can be found in the bathroom, hogging the sink, as I pick away at leftover lunch, brushing, flossing & reapplying that heavenly thing known as wax!

Hello world...... I'm 30, going on 13!!!