Are you nervous?

This seems to be the "appropriate" question for an expecting woman of 39 weeks. At least, that's the most frequently asked question.

The more I think about it, it's just an ugly thing to ask. What is one to say? Nah, labor is going to be a breeze & I've got this motherhood thing figured out! ......HA! ....... Or, do you contemplate all of the many facets of childbirth and motherhood that are about to be thrust upon you and start to panic, listing the infinitive list of things one is nervous about. That sure sounds like a great idea!

Frankly, I'm not letting it ruffle my feathers. Quite honestly, I'm still living in ignorant bliss and have absolutely no idea what is about to come at me! I've read and watched videos and read and went to classes and read some more in preparation for what this new life may hold. 

All I'm really sure of is labor is going to be hell, but it will all be over in less than 48 hours. Surely, I can do anything for 48 hours! We're delivering at 1 of the top 10 hospitals in the nation, so I'm confident I'll be under great care and supervision. Most important of all, I have faith that God has a plan, and that is for me to mother this child, so a lifetime lies ahead of us after the initial task of getting baby girl here.

After that, well it's anybody's guess! I will surely doubt myself more often than not, and continue pumping myself full of as much information as possible regarding proper care of our newborn.

Then, somewhere there in the middle and hopefully at the beginning and for a worthwhile portion of each day, I'll realize that I'm only human, and God has Blessed me with this opportunity because He knows I can handle it. That's when I'll let all of the anxiety drift right out the window, and I'll sit back, relax and simply be in awe of the little person we've created.

I hope more than anything, that my husband and I will relish in every little smile, every giggle and celebrate every milestone . . . . not getting caught up in the stress of the inconsolable crying, the financial strains on our budget, or the sleep deprivation that will surely ensue. I hope we can look past those, in the moment occurrences, to cherish this beautiful gift and not allow one day to pass us without realizing how truly Blessed we are......

So, am I nervous? Hell yeah! Is it going to stop me? Not a chance! I'm definitely not going to lose sleep over it. I have plenty of sleepless nights in my future . . .  & I can't wait!!

Embarking on a new BOOK!

Not just a new chapter, but I feel like we're about to open an entirely new book!

We're exactly 32 weeks along, and this little cutie pie is measuring in at 4.2 pounds & measuring and looking perfect in every single way.

Let the joy, anxiety, nerves and excitement commence!!

New Ideas = A New You

I've slowly come to understand how much I've changed since leaving the small, rural area I used to call home. Since venturing out into the big world & continuing my education, I'm constantly confronted by new ways of thinking, new ideas and different sets of beliefs.

I see this as a great Blessing.

I am also disheartened.

Disheartened....... yes, partly because it is a big, scary world, and you realize how crazy it is when you delve into a metropolis........... However, more disheartened because it forces me to confront the narrow thinking often evident in the environment I was raised in.

I saw that quaint community and the warm people who filled it as something nostalgic. A place and time that moved slower than the rest of the world; however, we were all good-hearted, hard-working people. It's not that that has changed per say, but my view on the limited ideas of people confined to such a secluded space definitely has changed.

It saddens me.

I loved that area, but I'm also now more aware of the prejudices that existed, a fear of outsiders, fear of change, and the uninformed thinking of the unknown. I now realize how limiting it is not to have others challenge your ways of thinking and cause you to think outside the box.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I just know I still love my original home, my childhood and the amazing people who shaped me into who I am today.  . . . and while I still know plenty of great people there, I also know of statistically more than I'm comfortable with, having extreme, unhealthy perspectives of life, in my opinion.

Of course, who am I to judge another, but on one hand, that's why I'm disheartened, because a large percentage of "them" so unfairly judge others. However, if they never get out of their comfort zone or never have their beliefs challenged, then this shall be another vicious cycle.

I just wish I didn't feel like my home was "home" to that cycle.